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51. Set goals.
In addition to setting life goals, set relationship goals. For example: We aim to spend more time together outside rather than in front of the TV.
In addition to setting life goals, set relationship goals. For example: We aim to spend more time together outside rather than in front of the TV.
52. Take responsibility for your own happiness
Love is grand, but at the end of the day the only person we can hold accountable for our happiness is ourselves. Do volunteer work, exercise, host dinner parties—find what satisfies you, and go from there.
Love is grand, but at the end of the day the only person we can hold accountable for our happiness is ourselves. Do volunteer work, exercise, host dinner parties—find what satisfies you, and go from there.
53. Learn each other’s conflict habits.
Make an effort to understand you and your partner’s conflict habits so you can break bad patterns and find a middle ground that’s productive and respectful.
54. Define love.
While “I love you,” is an extraordinary thing to say—and an equally wonderful thing to hear—it means something different to each person. Tell each other what you’re saying when you declare these magic words. It could be a list of many sentiments such as, “I would do anything for you,” and “I trust you completely.”
While “I love you,” is an extraordinary thing to say—and an equally wonderful thing to hear—it means something different to each person. Tell each other what you’re saying when you declare these magic words. It could be a list of many sentiments such as, “I would do anything for you,” and “I trust you completely.”
55. Take turns planning date nights that are actual, real, capital-D Dates
Takeout and TV doesn’t count.
Takeout and TV doesn’t count.
56. Approach your partner’s issues in the context of how they affect the relationship.
It’ll reduce the chances they feel personally attacked for no reason.
It’ll reduce the chances they feel personally attacked for no reason.
57. Cuddle.
Make ample time for cuddling. Whether or not it leads to sex, physical affection is important.
Make ample time for cuddling. Whether or not it leads to sex, physical affection is important.
58. Don’t forget to say “I Like You.”
The greatest compliment you can give a partner (especially a long-term partner) is reminding them that not only do you love them, but also like them.
The greatest compliment you can give a partner (especially a long-term partner) is reminding them that not only do you love them, but also like them.
59. Have a spontaneous midday tryst.
Send him a text as he’s about to go on his lunch break, take time out on a Saturday, however you want to play it.
Send him a text as he’s about to go on his lunch break, take time out on a Saturday, however you want to play it.
60. Travel together.Seeing the world together creates amazing shared memories.
61. Tell them EXACTLY why you love and appreciate them as often as possible.
“I love you” is good. “I love the way you make sure no one ever feels left out” is even better.
“I love you” is good. “I love the way you make sure no one ever feels left out” is even better.
62. Stay out of their family drama.
It’s so not worth it.
It’s so not worth it.
63. Really look at each other.
We spend a lot of time with our partners but sometimes we don’t actually see them. Take the time to actually look into one another’s eyes.
We spend a lot of time with our partners but sometimes we don’t actually see them. Take the time to actually look into one another’s eyes.
64. Give each other a pet name.
It may be super annoying to other people (and you may want to reserve it for when you’re in private), but a pet name can add an extra layer of intimacy to your relationship.
It may be super annoying to other people (and you may want to reserve it for when you’re in private), but a pet name can add an extra layer of intimacy to your relationship.
65. Spend time alone.
As important as it is to spend quality time with your partner, it’s equally necessary that you develop a good sense of who you are without them. Kahlil Gibran said “let there be spaces in your togetherness,” and we stand by that.
66. Eat at the dinner table.
Do you eat in front of the TV? Try actually sitting down to a meal with your partner at an actual table. You may find it a welcome change.
Do you eat in front of the TV? Try actually sitting down to a meal with your partner at an actual table. You may find it a welcome change.
67. In fact, turn the TV off all together.
Why not try instituting a TV-free night in your apartment? See what else happens when you spend time together sans the talking box.
Why not try instituting a TV-free night in your apartment? See what else happens when you spend time together sans the talking box.
68. Ask for clarity.
If you’re confused about what your partner means, ask for clarity instead of making assumptions about what they mean. Use an open phrase like, “What did you mean when you said, ‘xyz'” rather than instantly going on the offensive.
If you’re confused about what your partner means, ask for clarity instead of making assumptions about what they mean. Use an open phrase like, “What did you mean when you said, ‘xyz'” rather than instantly going on the offensive.
69. Own your feelings.
Passive-aggressiveness is a total relationship killer. Quash it by practicing assertiveness and clarity. Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not fine is a prime example of not owning your feelings.
Passive-aggressiveness is a total relationship killer. Quash it by practicing assertiveness and clarity. Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not fine is a prime example of not owning your feelings.
70. Communicate in a constructive way.
For instance, we think the phrase construction “When ____ happens, it makes me feel ____” can be particularly helpful.
For instance, we think the phrase construction “When ____ happens, it makes me feel ____” can be particularly helpful.
71. Take an interest in what your partner’s into.
He’s into chess, or cheese, or cheese that looks like a chess board (maybe?). You don’t have to love it, but give it a shot. You may surprise yourself!
He’s into chess, or cheese, or cheese that looks like a chess board (maybe?). You don’t have to love it, but give it a shot. You may surprise yourself!
72. But also cultivate your own.
You and your partner don’t need to have everything in common. Seriously. That’s actually really annoying.
You and your partner don’t need to have everything in common. Seriously. That’s actually really annoying.
73. Let your partner teach you something they’re good at, and vice versa.Everyone—everyone—loves the feeling of being able to teach somebody they like about something they’re good at.
74. Bring your groups together.It’s easy to silo your social lives and create separate his-and-hers worlds, but bringing your friends, siblings, or colleagues together can be a fun thing.
75. Don’t forget about sex.Work, stress, and other responsibilities can get in the way of your sex life, and before you know it, you’ve gone a month without getting busy. Don’t let this happen. Schedule it in if you have to, just make sure to connect in an intimate way.
76. But do forget about jealousy.Jealousy can be completely toxic to relationships, so keep yours in check. If you’re always jealous, figure out if it’s your personal issue, or if your partner is doing things to appear less trustworthy.
76. But do forget about jealousy.Jealousy can be completely toxic to relationships, so keep yours in check. If you’re always jealous, figure out if it’s your personal issue, or if your partner is doing things to appear less trustworthy.
77. Cultivate your appreciation.
Spread what you love about your partner. Practice your appreciation by sharing it with others— not in a gross, gratuitous, braggy way, but don’t miss out on the opportunity to tell others why your partner is awesome. In turn, it’ll remind you why you like them, too.
Spread what you love about your partner. Practice your appreciation by sharing it with others— not in a gross, gratuitous, braggy way, but don’t miss out on the opportunity to tell others why your partner is awesome. In turn, it’ll remind you why you like them, too.
78. Laugh. In bed.
Sex should be sexy, sure. But it should also be fun. Don’t be afraid to have a laugh if things take a turn for the ridiculous.
Sex should be sexy, sure. But it should also be fun. Don’t be afraid to have a laugh if things take a turn for the ridiculous.
79. Let yourself be taken care of when you need it.
We all need special care on occasion. Let your partner help you when you’re feeling sick or down. It doesn’t mean you’re not strong, it just means you’re willing to accept help.
80. Check your competitive edge.You and your partner are there to support each other, not compete with one another. If you find yourself comparing yourself or competing with your significant other, check your behavior. That’s not healthy!
81. Have a bed day.Allow yourselves a totally lazy day where you lie around and do nothing of note except enjoy each other’s company.
81. Be kind to yourself.
The best way to develop positive patterns in a relationship is to develop them first with yourself. Don’t be so critical of yourself, and you’ll set a good example for your relationship.
The best way to develop positive patterns in a relationship is to develop them first with yourself. Don’t be so critical of yourself, and you’ll set a good example for your relationship.
82. Express gratitude for the little things, and for specific things.
Big gestures are great, but it’s great to recognize the little things your partner does that make you feel happy and loved, too.
Big gestures are great, but it’s great to recognize the little things your partner does that make you feel happy and loved, too.
83. Date like you dated in high school.Ask each other out. Get excited. Take forever to get ready. Make out. Repeat.
84. Be present.
We can ruin a perfectly great relationship by focusing too much on the past, or worrying too much about what may happen in the future. Learn to enjoy where you are, and who you’re with right now.
We can ruin a perfectly great relationship by focusing too much on the past, or worrying too much about what may happen in the future. Learn to enjoy where you are, and who you’re with right now.
85. Don’t try to control.A relationship isn’t a battle of wills, it’s two people who are choosing to be together, so don’t treat your partner like they’re some kind of wild animal you’re trying to tame.
86. Embrace your common goals.
What is it that you both want to accomplish? Can you support each other to reach those goals? That’ll be a big piece of what will hold you two to together as a couple in the long run.
What is it that you both want to accomplish? Can you support each other to reach those goals? That’ll be a big piece of what will hold you two to together as a couple in the long run.
87. Have a cultural experience together.See a movie, a play, or an art exhibition together — and then talk about them afterward. You may be pleasantly surprised by how differently—or similarly—you viewed things.
88. Go on a long bike ride.Bike rides are deeply freeing experiences, and it’s nice to be able to do that with someone you love.
89. Try talking on the phone.Yes, we know this sounds crazy, but phone calls are a different sort of communication than texting, or even in person communicating will allow. You may actually deepen your connection through a phone chat.
90. Make a mix for each other.
It’s cute, romantic and something out of a rom-com. Although in this day and age, you might want to make a Spotify playlist rather than a mixed CD.
It’s cute, romantic and something out of a rom-com. Although in this day and age, you might want to make a Spotify playlist rather than a mixed CD.
91. Keep yourself in check.
We spend so much time paying attention to how our partners behave, but take a second to notice how you’re acting — especially if you’re fired up or in a bad mood. And then give yourself a second to…
We spend so much time paying attention to how our partners behave, but take a second to notice how you’re acting — especially if you’re fired up or in a bad mood. And then give yourself a second to…
92. … Breathe.
Before you say something you don’t mean, take a breath and ask yourself if that’s really the way you want to move forward. Chances are, taking a second out will help you recalibrate and think of a more constructive way of handling the situation.
Before you say something you don’t mean, take a breath and ask yourself if that’s really the way you want to move forward. Chances are, taking a second out will help you recalibrate and think of a more constructive way of handling the situation.
93. Help each other.This one is so easy, but if your partner’s having a hard time with something — whether it’s doing their taxes or organizing their closet — offer a helping hand.
94. Be their biggest cheerleader
If your partner’s accomplished something amazing, let them know it, and let them shine.
95. In your craziest moments of frustration or anger, remember what it is that you like about them the most.
There’s a reason you’re with them after all, right?
There’s a reason you’re with them after all, right?
96. Remember that a relationship should always make your life better on the whole, not worse.And aim to make sure yours is doing just that. If it’s not, it may be time to reconsider.
97. Enjoy the quiet moments you spend with each other.
Not everything has to be a big adventure or a big deal Sometimes the best times are the quiet unplanned things you do together.
Not everything has to be a big adventure or a big deal Sometimes the best times are the quiet unplanned things you do together.
98. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself.Don’t let yourself get so invested in your partner that you forget to take care of yourself.
99. Let go of the past.We often let our past hurts dictate our present. Learn to let go of past resentments and fears in order to live more fully with your partner right now.
100. Touch each other often.Simple touch builds intimacy — espeically non-sexual touch. It’s a non-verbal way of saying, “yes, I’m here for you, and I care about you” and it helps reinforce your emotional bond.
101. The best relationships are ones in which both partners feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Find ways to communicate that and foster that feeling in each other, and you’ll be good.
Find ways to communicate that and foster that feeling in each other, and you’ll be good.
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